I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
