he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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