I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize