wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
