I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
