Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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