I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize