If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
