Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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