I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
