we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize