I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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