My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
