Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize