I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
