PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
