He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
