Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We left the knife in your bed.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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