where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
