Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
