so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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