Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Randomize
