I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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