I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Fuck appropriateness.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
