im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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