Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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