You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
