I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
