I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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