and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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