Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
