the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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