just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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