Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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