I love black thongs
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
