I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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