he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
