is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize