Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
