I wish my penis had an off switch
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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