I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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