So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
