Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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