as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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