Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm at about main and main street
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
