The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
