Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
