Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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