Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize