I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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