halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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