i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
there is glitter all over my balls
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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