Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
