turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize