so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
His nipple licking is glorious
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