I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
