I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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