I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
