Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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