I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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