im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
