Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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