Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
