walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize