That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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