If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
