Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
