At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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