Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
