You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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