Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
