I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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