Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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