Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
