so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
