I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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