he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
