I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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