Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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