Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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