Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
