new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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