She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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