Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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