Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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