google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the liver wants what the liver wants
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
