Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
