at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
