and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
