It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
