I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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