i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
