Betty ford says i'm here all night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
