so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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