..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
