i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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