even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
3pm strippers are depressing
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
