If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
