just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
