Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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